You made me cry and you don't even care
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize