PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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