At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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