All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
