yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
