you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
