So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
