Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
