I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize