is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She bit a glass in half.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize