Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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