You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
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I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
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My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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