wat bout pragnant strippers??
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
