Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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