shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
