I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
