This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
