I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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