She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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