I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
