If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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