Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
