Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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