And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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