you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
