how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
