Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
