I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize