I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
