It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
only if we run a train.
done.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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