you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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