Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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