I wish my penis had an off switch
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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