I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just gargled with NyQuil
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
