I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
