capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
im six kinds of drunk right now
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
