i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize