Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
