They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
