I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
