Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
