Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
