I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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