we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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