i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
