Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
