Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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