How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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