if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
