Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
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I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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