In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
