he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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