maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
