Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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