I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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