I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
