dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
