this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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