My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize
