I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
