I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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