You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
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I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
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She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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