thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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