i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
