i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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