apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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